Dizzy - My Head is Spinning

Dead on Arrival - Skesis

 

What a pooey day. Was supposed to be interviewing another person for my research today but, about an hour and a half before I was due to get there, I suddenly had a massive auric migraine :( Luckily the person's been really understanding and I’ve rearranged for Sunday morning, but it's been a yucky day and I’m still feeling a bit fragile.

It's the weirdest experience in the world. I used to get proper migraines, maybe one every 3-4 years. Really rare but incredibly painful, usually involving the doctor coming out to rescue me with magical little white pills or injections on my bum! Seriously debilitating.

It used to be that I’d get warning symptoms. Usually the left side of my face and my left arm would go completely dead. Then I’d start to lose my balance, my speech would slur, and I’d feel really disoriented. All that would suddenly stop and about three hours later the pain would hit. In the past couple of years something's changed.

Now I don't get the pain (good thing) but the symptoms are faaar worse (bad thing). Usually I get the visual hallucinations first. It's hard to explain, but there are colours everywhere. Bit like LSA - really wavy lines, spinning tunnel vision, and sometimes vivid auric colours around things like my hand. 

Once, I was walking up the stairs and I became completely aware of my hand next to me. It was slightly blue and I jumped because I was convinced it wasn't my hand; it wasn't attached to my body, or I wasn't in control of the hand. It was the weirdest sensation. I also get something like reverse Alice in Wonderland Syndrome where things don't look small, they look bigger or different dimensions. I start walking into things, get really strong numbness, especially in my left hand/arm, and the left side of my face. Sometimes it makes me feel like parts of my body aren't my own. I’ll touch the back of my teeth with my tongue and feel convinced they aren't my teeth, or that there's something on them, or they're a different shape to the way they actually are. It's hideously disorienting and sounds daft when you try and explain it. 

Bit like mushroom distortions, but more unsettling because you know you haven't taken anything. Then things spin. It's just like being really drunk. You're glued to the bed and have to lie down and close your eyes. I start humming and rocking a little just to keep calm because moving gently is nicer than lying completely still - sort of soothing.

I'm so glad I don't get the pain anymore, that used to be horrific. A couple of times the doctors who came out suggested admitting me to hospital because the symptoms and pain level are similar to meningitis, apparently. I never went though. The only time I did was when I had a three day migraine and had to get injections to stop me vomiting and falling over. I honestly thought I was going to die that time. It's like your head is a melon. Someone has it in this massive clamp and keeps turning the screw. You think you're going to implode, and almost wish you would because it would be far better than the pain you're feeling. It's agonising.

Auric migraines are usually proceeded by pain, but the past couple of times this hasn't happened. I just get a slight headache or feel groggy and sick, like I’ve drunk too much. That's how I’m feeling now. Trying to concentrate on things like computer screens tend to make it worse, but it's sooo boring sitting there feeling crappy. The worst is over now, but I was really upset about the interview. It's so hard to get interviewees and I didn't want to mess him about incase he changed his mind. Luckily it's okay and he was really understanding. It would have been way too dangerous to get in a car. I could barely take two steps in a straight line.

Think it's the past week catching up with me - Mum's, horseying, the interview in London - lots of travelling, quite a bit of stress, short period of time. Plus I hadn't eaten and that is one of my major triggers.

Going to relax today, maybe play with Celtx a bit more and watch some movies. I finally managed to watch Perfume last night. Loved it. Thought they did the book justice, which is a rare feat. Really well done.