Tears and Hearts

Kimironko Market

It's been a bit of a rocky couple of days in the de Kittypuss household.

As I keep saying in almost every blog post this month, I've been right royally under the weather. Finished my second round of antibiotics on Sunday. Made it through Monday, just about. Felt positive after booking the room at VSO to start the Sign Language approval process on Wednesday... err, today.

Tuesday was my resource day. I take two of these each week to work from home and the VSO office. I originally did it because I wasn't willing to lug my laptop and internet connection into the RNAD office every day, but I gave up on that front. I still take the days so that I can concentrate on what I'm doing without other distractions, and so that I can go and see people I need to see. Mainly, I use those days for fundraising applications - when you just need to blinker everyone and everything else out.

Tuesday morning I was feeling pretty damn pants again. I admit to sleeping in a little. Just as I was getting up, D was coming in. He'd risen at six in the morning, gone to Kimironko market, and returned with a bag brimming with vegetables. This included Irish potatoes and a massive fresh pineapple! I just sort of stared at him open-mouthed.

He proceeded to slice up the pineapple for me. I got stuck in and downed a clove of garlic with a glass of milk to try and shift this horribleness in my chest and head. This home cure had quite an effect.

D had to go out to do some stuff, and I got called into the office at about 2pm. When I arrived, everyone was already there. They'd started approving signs and they'd been there all morning apparently. Augustin explained that the committee would rather do it from the office than go to VSO.

This was a perfectly rational decision as it saves the organisation time and money.

I lost it.

By the time I reached the office, I felt terrible. I was sweating, having hot flush, giddy, hacking cough... The fact that I'd run off to book the room and projector at VSO the day before, and now they wanted to cancel it, should have been perfectly predictable. It happens all the time. Any other day I would just have shrugged. Instead, I felt my blood pressure rising steadily and knew that I had to get out of there.

They really wanted me to observe the approval process. That's what I'm there to do. But I just couldn't - I felt so ill. It is seriously touching that they involve me so much and care what I think. It is a huge compliment, but I just couldn't think straight. I told them that I would go and cancel the room at VSO, then go to the doctor's.

I got to VSO, cancelled the room, the projector and driver, then went up to the resource library. I let myself out onto the balcony and cried solidly for half an hour. Something in my mind and body just snapped. I had felt so sh!tty for so long. Work, being work, had just tipped me over the edge. There were people relying on me and I couldn't even rely on myself to hold it together.

I eventually built up the courage to walk home, but the moment I closed the gate I was off again. Monsoon season. It just didn't stop. I felt too ill and too tired to do anything, so I went to bed.

This was about three in the afternoon. I woke up around half-five and started crying all over again, still feeling absolutely rotten. At about eight D came in. I was still blubbing away like nobody's business. Every time I tried to move, or thought about doing anything, off I went again. I must have looked a fearful sight. He came over and gave me a big hug and then... he cooked dinner!

There was some mince left in the pot, which he heated up. Plus he cooked an omelette and made me a hot drink. He took care of me. I was really hacking away with that cough when I went to bed last night. I had to get the bucket, I thought I was going to cough so much that my dinner would come back up.

It didn't, though. After about an hour I got up and put some clothes on, then went out into the garden. It was an amazingly bright full moon - like daylight. just like it used to be at Tinkinswood. The main reason for getting up was that I heard the garden tap going. We hadn't had water in about two days and all our reserves were out. The toilet stank. It was only a dribble, but I collected up all of our containers and sat out there for about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. I filled everything up. It was amazingly tranquil. Despite the weather being pretty nippy at the moment, I felt comfortable and relaxed.

Today's been a busy day. I woke up hacking away again. D's shooting a documentary - part of the deal he struck for doing security for someone else's film run the other week. He gets to shoot something of his own. He's doing a short documentary on a little girl who was born with HIV. I think Rose is going to translate for him as she's been here for three years and learned to speak Kinyarwanda, but D only speaks English and Luganda, which makes in-depth stuff tricky.

Whilst he went off to do that, I got up slowly and took myself to the doctor again. I had another blood test. This time the doctor wiped my finger with antiseptic, then blew on it to dry it! I was sent through to see the head doctor, who gave me a thorough chest tapping and concluded it's an allergy.

He could be right. The antibiotics haven't touched the cough, but they have brought my white blood cell count down to a normal level. Whatever I did have before, I don't anymore. He's sent me off with yet another prescription, but I haven't cashed it in. I have Claratin at home. If I take anything, it’ll only delay the problem, which will come back when I stop taking the meds if whatever I'm allergic to is still around.

I slept in the waiting room for an hour whilst they were processing the results. I was absolutely shattered. When I left, I was actually feeling remarkably perky. I think yesterday was the 'crisis point'. I hit it, I fell apart, and now I'm feeling much stronger again... You know what? I reckon it was the fresh garlic and the moonlight :)

I'm still not feeling 100% My chest is still heavy, bit of a wheeze, cough, and hot flushes, but everything seems much less than it was before. I feel much stronger in myself, like my spirit is ready to tackle getting better now. I'm optimistic of real improvement. May even be back in the office tomorrow.

We're a house of invalids at the moment. I went to the bank and took out some money 'just in case'. On Monday night, Ishuheri ate his dinner with Mao and Sula: cooked pasta and raw mince. A couple of hours later he threw the whole lot back up quite, violently. There was quite a bit of retching and I was terrified it was secondary poisoning, which killed his uncle, Kabibi, not so long ago.

He's been very lethargic since then. Not his usual bright tigerish self. He hasn't eaten anything but, on the up side, it doesn't appear to be poisoning. He hasn't been sick again and he isn't showing any discomfort. He's still active, wandering about, and seems to be getting better. I'll hold off a little while longer. If he still hasn't eaten anything by the end of tomorrow, I'll take him to the vet.

So, we're all feeling a bit down in the dumps at the moment, but we're all pulling through okay. Also got a couple of parcels from home today - thanks Aunty Jean and Dad :) Some long awaited chocolate, hot chocolate, coffee and confectionery. Perfect timing.

I guess there's not much left to say other than 'blah'. All due thanks to D, who has really been very sweet to me despite my monsterishness to him the past few weeks. I mean, six in the morning... to buy me a pineapple. Who can stay mad at a guy like that?

Ugh. Right, I'm off to cook on my lovely two-plate hob now, with my bag full of vegetables. I'm thinking sweet potato mash with spicy tomatoes and courgette sauce? Possibly with an egg, if we have any left. Soul food. :)