Catch-up

I've been a bit lax the past few days. Haven't felt so much like writing. I think it's because I've been writing so prolifically - needed a wee break.

Been quite productive recently. Dad managed to transfer some money via Western Union,which is far easier than the bank and cheaper too, apparently. With my Christmas-cum-birthday money I went and bought an internet connection :) Little portable modem you slot into a USB drive and off you go. It's brilliant. A bit slow, but pretty reliable, and it means I can stay in touch with the world from home and get on with work at the office if I take my laptop in. It's brilliant :)

Going to go and buy a bed this week, too. Saw a beautiful single. Rather pricey (because I'm a muzungu) and you have to go into town to get a mattress, but it will make a world of difference. Just hope it fits through the narrow doors here. I'm maybe going to send Léon to get a quote on the bed. If they charge him less I'll try bartering and catch them out. 

My guard is also pestering me for money at the moment. If I have problems getting the bed into the house, he can earn some money by taking it apart and re-building it. I'm a bit annoyed about this, it's like having a beggar in my back garden. He keeps telling me how much money he earned in his last job before his contract ended, and how hard it is to find work, and how much less he's getting paid for doing this, but how 'at least it's a job'. Then he keeps telling me he wants to do my housework. I keep telling him that I don't want him to do my housework - not interested in someone coming into my house to clean it when I'm perfectly capable of doing that for myself. I like looking after my own home, it doesn't take much effort. 

I'm also trying to grow some vegetables. If it works, I will plant more. Then maybe he can earn a little helping to take care of them, as it would come from the money I would be saving from not going shopping. We'll see. I have the occasional errand that I need help with, like sorting out the rubbish collection system, which is still a mystery to me. I give him a sandwich and a cup of coffee each night. But I'm not going to start giving my money away for things I can do myself. I'm certainly not going to make up the wages he isn't making from his last job. Thankfully, today is his day off, so I don't have to worry about it. I've asked him to start at seven instead of six, which gives me an hour after dark to finish cooking and pottering before he arrives. Stress management.

Seriously lost it the other day at the Post Office. Karen texted me to let me know I had a parcel waiting. When I got there, they told me that I didn't. Then they realised they might have, and took me to the parcel pick-up point. The man in front of me was collecting a small parcel that had been there for about three days. He was charged FRW100/10p for collecting it. Apparently, here you have to pay the post office a daily charge for 'looking after' your parcel. 

Mine had been there two days - they charged me FRW2,500/£2.50!!! I was livid. Corrupt little... grrrrr. What's worse is that they never left me a slip to tell me I had a parcel. If Karen hadn't told me, I assume it would go up by over a pound a day (because I'm white) until I guessed it was there. But what can you do? If you don't pay, no parcel. 

Now that I've calmed down, I'm going to write an incredibly polite, sweet letter to the Manager, asking him just to clarify the daily 'protection costs' that I should expect to pay, so that I know for next time. Also, to explain that most of my parcels are charity aid and that, although I fully understand paying the charge, if I don't know my parcel is there and cannot afford to pay the costs that amount, it will be depriving good work in Rwanda. I won't be holding my breath, but it will make me feel slightly better.

I was a bit stressed after that day and came home to chill-out, but a Rwandese friend popped round for dinner. I was way too tired and feeling a bit tearful, but I cooked for him and the guard anyway. Cheered up a bit by the end. It's very difficult to be so upset over corruption when someone's seen their family murdered in front of them and had to flee as a refugee to save their life. You feel a bit ashamed of being so feeble, so you try and put a brave face on until they've left. That's why it's so good having the VSO network, because they know exactly what you feel like and why. They don't worry about it because they know it'll pass quickly, which it does. It was just bad timing really, when I'm in that sort of mood I just want everyone to p!ss off, lock my doors against the world, eat chocolate (thanks Dad), read my book, or rant to my family on the phone :) Not a gracious hostess, but I don't care.

So, there have been a few stressful moments. It's been a week now since I visited the Memorial Centre, but, actually, I think it's still affecting me. Found myself getting quite tense and angry about it. I now understand what Martine meant when she didn't want to come on a trip to Nyarubuye because she's still in her 'angry phase'. It's bizarre how intense you feel, and you can't rationalise quite why. So I'll just let it wash over me for now. I'm going to put some time aside to practice the Buddhist Mindfulness of Breathing and especially Metta Bhavana meditations, to help lift the mood and balance it out.

Yesterday was a brilliant day. One of the guys at the office actually used the Project Planning Form that I developed. I originally did it for the BDA in Cardiff, to help people plan out projects they wanted to develop so that it made it easier for me to identify possible funding sources. I was really surprised. I thought they'd just get shoved in a draw and forgotten. So, that's given me something to really focus on. We're developing an HIV/AIDS and Deafness strategy for 2008. I'm also developing an application for a project to help reach Deaf genocide survivors and collect art, stories, and poetry from them to compile a book/DVD.

On the way home yesterday, someone tapped me on the shoulder and it was a Deaf guy I met at Nyanza. I hadn't eaten again all day and was soooo hungry. He was standing outside a café and asked if I fancied a drink. I leapt at the chance and we sat drinking coke and eating spicy fish brochettes. It was exactly what I needed on a Friday afternoon. We signed about all sorts of things, from how children's TV (the TellyTubbies were on) must have been invented by people on hallucinogens, to the Virunga National Park and visiting the gorillas. My AKR is coming along leaps and bounds! We left as it was starting to get dark. He's off to Uganda to visit family, but I'm looking forward to seeing him when he gets back. I felt so happy and relaxed on the walk home.

People stare open-mouthed when they see me signing in the street with my colleagues. Martine said she noticed the same at Nyanza. Signing is interesting in itself, but a white person signing is fascinating. I think it's brilliant. I get a bit annoyed some days when people stare and shout at me just because I'm white, but I like it when people do it because I'm signing. I hope it helps to raise awareness of it as a serious language and interests people enough to learn. Vive la sign language!

Aaaanyway. It's all good really. Hopefully Paula is coming to stay tomorrow. Haven't got a bed yet, but have cushions. She's flying home for Christmas (loads of people are! :o( ) on Tuesday, so needs a place to crash. We'll go to the Italian up the road for a treat. The thought of pizza is mouth-watering!

Just having a very chilled-out weekend at the moment. Going to go and do my washing. There was a spectacular thunder storm yesterday - it's overcast today but not actually raining, so I'll risk it :)