Well, my romantic Friday night was a no-show. Or, rather, would have shown if I hadn't put the phone down on him.
'See you at seven' actually translated into a phone call at twenty-past seven saying 'I'm with some friends, I'll be there in two hours.'
That's nice. I'll be out.
I've since learned from Giudi that it takes approximately one year to train a Rwandan bloke to tell you he's going to be late before he's late. With three NGOs on my list, I don't think I need another project.
Thankfully, I didn't have to spend my Friday night stewing over it. Cathryn and Giudi were meeting up for dinner at SoleLuna. I tagged along and met Cathryn's new housemate/employer, Hirut, who is an absolute top lady. Giudi arrived a little early and I told her the D story. She'd passed us on the bus last night, doing our walking.
Go back? Her reply - 'No!'
I repeated to Cathryn and Hirut and got 'NO!' in stereo multi-surround sound.
So, I guess that's a no then. Shame. But gotta listen to your girlfriends. It's really good Giudi and Cathryn have moved to Kigali. Giudi doesn't work for VSO anymore. She got a proper job on the Ministry reviews where Jo's been working. Cathryn's doing an internship for a business management training company, which she'll maybe shift to when her time with VSO is done in a couple of months.
Hirut's philosophy is that if you like a guy, you have to like him through the entire stretch of your menstrual cycle. That's a good philosophy. I have some way to go, though. I always get pissed off at week three.
They reckon I can work on the current beau. Timing is an issue you need to tackle with any bloke you see here. I just don't know whether I have the strength to argue about it. He tried to call a few times, but I turned my phone off to enjoy my evening. He called again when I got through the door, and really didn't get the problem at all. I sent an e-mail today outlining it. It's not that you change the time we are supposed to meet, that's fine. It's leaving it so late - expecting me to be the good little woman hanging around the house waiting for you to get in. That's what you get in a culture where men and women don't socialise together. It's a new concept. I explained that I work hard all week too, and when Friday night comes around the last thing in the world I'm going to be doing is sitting around waiting for you to get home from the bar. If he can jive with that, then fine, perhaps we can work it through. If not, thanks but no thanks.
To be honest, I just feel that any guy I date here is going to be a bit of a let down. I know I have high expectations. Being kept waiting once (football) I can forgive. Twice just shows me what kind of a guy he is, that he'll always expect me to be waiting on him.
All my friends already know I'm too impatient. You can't expect someone here to turn up for anything on time: weddings, funerals, births. Time just doesn't exist in the sense we have honed it in the West. My boss turned up six hours late for a training session he'd organised once. That's great for me when I'm running late for a meeting but, culturally, it spells disaster for a relationship. Time, for me, is a big issue. Although I've slacked a lot since being here, I was always miss punctuality. Always early for things, hated being late.
Giudi said that with her fella it took a really long time but, eventually, they got there. She says they just don't register that there's a problem with the way things are. She's right, I'm sure he's not intentionally trying to piss me off. It's just that Western expectations and conventions for running a relationship are very different. Most Western women have a lot more experience of relationships because we've had more of them. It's not unusual here for guys of 25 or 28 never to have had a proper girlfriend before, because families discourage it until you're ready to marry. There's not the culture of guys and gals hanging out together.
It's frustrating. Another 15 months would be a long time to be celibate.
I was going up the walls slightly yesterday. I'd give my back teeth for a multiplex and a tub of popcorn, or a theme park, or a high street full of colourful shops, or a rock club... or just something to go out and do. The only thing to do here is go to a restaurant. There is a cinema, but not one you'd really make an effort to visit, and certainly no popcorn. I'm getting mild cabin fever. I'd love to just walk out into the middle of a green field with nobody else around. Sadly, Kigali is more than a little bit limited on fun things to do. Even if you had a car there's nowhere much better to go. Perhaps the beach at Kibuye or Gisenyi. But I don't have a car, I'd be too frightened to drive, and you couldn't sit and eat an ice-cream ;)
I know, I'm whinging. I decided not to do the whole Kibuye thing - lot of money for one night at another restaurant. Contemplating the pool, but it's blisteringly hot again and I'd probably shrivel up into a raisin.
I'm just hard to please. I think it's just because I'm working hard right now: RNAD, Single Parents Project and also Kivu Writers under my wing. Although I love the challenge and enjoy working with the people and picking apart the finances and projects, it also leaves me craving some fun when the work is done. Right now all work and no play is turning me into a grouch. D quoted me back to myself the other night. I was bitchin' at him and he said 'You will always be unhappy if you place your happiness in the hands of other people - it has to come from within.' Did I say that? Bollox, musta been the Mutzig. True, though. As long as I wait around for someone else to turn up, I'm open to disappointment. I need a hobby *sigh*
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